It’s too late to turn up as a fly on the wall at David Beckham’s house. The footie star today declared that since the birth of little Harper Seven, he no longer walks around naked.

‘I definitely walk around the house in my underwear. But not naked,’ he told vogue.co.uk. ‘With the boys it’s not a problem because they’re naked all the time, but with a little girl now it is different’ (In the background, the Beckham’s cleaning lady was heard giving in her notice, while the neighbours were spotted hanging up their battered binoculars).

Gratuitous shots of David Beckham in his pants (we're nothing if not self-aware)

And as his new pant range (Ff apologises for the unseemly obsession with pants today) hits over 1,800 H&M stores nationwide (that’s a lot of people in a lot of David Beckham knick-knocks) DB says he has his sights set on world domination of the underwear drawer.

‘I want to be as big as Calvin Klein, to achieve something like that,’ he says, reasonably, given that he and his missus pretty much rule the world already.

Screw his adoring fans though – if his sons had anything to do with it, he’d keep his package in his pants (in the American sense of the word) for good. They’re mortified that their Dad poses with his meat and two veg on show, saying of this last escapade: ‘Oh my God, Daddy, not again. It’s good, but everyone is going to see you in your pants!’

… and the problem is?