D here. I’ve been glued to the Olympics since the opening ceremony on Friday night, and have since discovered a new-found passion for sports I’d hitherto never devoted even a moment of my life to watching.

Judo and weightlifting get special mentions for holding me transfixed, while swimming and eventing have proved fascinating too.  This is what the Olympics is all about – watching random and obscure events for hours, trying to pick up on the arcane rules with little or no commentary until finally, it clicks – and you’re hooked.

The weightlifters – particularly the compact but ripped athletes from Turkmenistan, Azerbaijan, Korea and Columbia in the 69kg category have been mesmerising – those THIGHS! Those globe-like buttocks! Like two cantaloupes in a pair of lycra hotpants. After watching literally hours of action, we can report that the snatch event has been the surprise runaway success at FF towers. Watch if you haven’t yet.

Casting a critical eye over the contest from a style point of view has been irresistible too. The weightlifters and their clinging muscle suits are obvious winners. Elsewhere, my verdict? Love the Chinese and Korean swimmers’ habit of wearing puffa jackets and Dr Dre headphones with their trunks – and I’m dying to know what they’re listening to.

China's Sun Yang with his Dr Dre headphones before swimming for gold: Style gold

Greece: Adidas have made their swimmers a tracksuit version of their traditonal kaftan-style dress. Must also be worn with headphones. Very cool.

Diving: Minuscule budgie-smugglers. Rock hard abs. Nuff said (also love their little towel rituals).

Patrotic grooming award goes to swimming hero Ruta Melyutyte, the 15-year-old Lithuanian who took gold for the 100m butterfly, clinching her country’s first EVER gold in the pool. She had her nails painted in the colours of the Lithuanian flag, while the GB swimmers sported Union flag nail paint – just like Eugenie wore for her grandmother’s Jubilee last month.

Biggest losers in the style Olympics? Team GB’s Archery team. The plasters on the chin! Those stoopid red hats! What does it mean? The other teams wore hats too, but marginally cooler, with turned-up brims and Burberry check.  I was baffled enough – but then spotted Princess Anne in the crowd at an equestrian event wearing one. WTF?

We should set London College of Fashion a task: Design an Archery outfit for Rio 2016. They can’t do any worse, that’s for sure.

Team GB's Archery outfit: Fashion fail

Postscript: t