1) 33% of the balls will have fallen off before you get to wherever it was you wanted to show off your new nails.
2) A large majority of the rest will fall off every time you undo a button, open a can of drink, get something out of your bag, rearrange your hair, wash your hands. Need I go on?
3) Just enough will remain, stuck stubbornly fast, that you will have them clinging to your nails for a week looking like you’ve been digging in soil.
4) That deep, midnight blue-black tone? Won’t last. The blue ones rub off to silver in minutes leaving you with a naff glittery effect nail.
5) Those balls? Rock hard. Imagine biting down hard on tiny bits of gravel every time you eat something with your hands.
6) The remaining balls will create a rough surface that will snag on everything – woolly jumpers, hair etc.
7) The remaining balls form a granite-hard surface that is nobbly with it. That means scratching yourself (and others) painfully with your manicure. No one should be injured by their own manicure.
8) You know how men with beards get all sorts of food stuck in the hairs? Now imagine what might happen when soft boiled egg makes contact with the caviar manicure. Not pretty. And surprisingly difficult to remove.
In short, eggy, painful. Good for a day, a bane for a week.
Still better than a French though (don’t get me started).